“I See You, Thought.” — A Personal Story About Letting Go

“I see you, Thought. You’re trying to protect me. You’re trying to make sense of pain. Thank you. But you’re exhausting me.”

When a Thought Won’t Let Go

The thought had been tumbling around my head like a large load of washing stuck on the rinse cycle. No matter what I did, I couldn’t detach from it. Every time I tried to push it away, it clung harder.

Eventually, I gave up.

“Okay, Thought, you can stay. I give up.”

At that moment, I stopped trying to mentally get rid of it and simply went about something else — and just like that, I forgot what I was thinking about.

Why Is It So Hard to Let Go of Some Thoughts?

Often, it’s because an underlying core belief is keeping the thought alive. Sometimes it’s not just a thought — it’s a survival strategy your younger self created.

When something felt too overwhelming, frightening, or painful as a child, the mind formed beliefs to protect you. It said, “I’ll never let that happen again.” And so the belief stayed.

A Family Example: How a Survival Belief Is Born

Imagine this:

Mum is kind and passive but never sticks up for you. Dad is unpredictable. He’s tired, stressed, working long hours, and just wants peace.

He comes home. The kids are noisy. Then he notices a sticky wet patch on the new carpet.

Someone’s spilled pop.

“What’s this? Who did this?” he demands.

Mum, scared of his reaction, denies anything happened.He lines everyone up — he wants the truth.

“One of you did it. I know it wasn’t me.”

In reality, the youngest child spilled her drink. Mum cleaned it up and, out of fear, told her:

“Don’t say anything. Let’s pretend it didn’t happen. He’ll never know.”

Now the child is faced with a dilemma:Mum is silent. Sister says nothing. She starts crying, terrified.

Eventually, she breaks:

“It was me.”

Dad softens:

“I don’t care about the pop. I just hate being lied to.”

He walks away. Mum resumes what she was doing.Everyone moves on — except the little girl.She’s left standing there, shocked and alone, wondering what just happened.

Hidden Beliefs Drive Our Reactions

That little girl may walk through life with beliefs like:

• “If I don’t confess, I’ll be punished.”

• “If I stay silent, I betray the truth.”

• “If I speak up, I’ll be left alone with the pain.”

These hidden beliefs continue shaping our adult thoughts, moods, and actions — without us even realizing.

What Helped Me: The Work

I was suffering, and I knew it — but I couldn’t stop the pain from resurfacing.

No matter what I did, it would rear its ugly head again and again.

It wasn’t until I started doing The Work by Byron Katie that I was able to locate the core beliefs holding the pattern in place — and begin to let them go.

The Problem with Positive Thinking and CBT

There are many negative beliefs we hold that don’t respond to logic or surface-level techniques.

That’s why CBT sometimes doesn’t go deep enough.That’s why positive thinking can feel like lying to yourself.

Trying to push away a belief is like holding a beach ball underwater — it takes energy.

But when you let the air out, the pressure vanishes.You don’t need to “try” anymore. What’s left is just you — grounded, whole, free.

Here’s a Belief I Found in Myself:

“If I don’t please, agree, or stay soft, I’ll be attacked or made to feel like I’m the problem.”

Sound familiar?

Let me show you how I worked with this belief using The Work.

🔎 The Work Process

1. Is it true?

Sit with this slowly.

When you're around family or people you’re close to, does it feel true that if you don’t please, agree, or stay soft — you’ll be attacked or blamed?

What does your gut say?

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

• Can you be 100% certain that this belief is true — every time?

• Is it always true?

• Could there be moments when standing your ground results in respect, not blame?

• Could the attack come, but not mean you’re the problem?

It’s okay to feel both yes and no. This is about noticing, not judging.

3. How do you react when you believe that thought?

• How do you treat yourself?

• Do you silence your truth to avoid backlash?

• Do you walk on eggshells?

• Does your body tense, shrink, or brace?

• Do you feel like a small child again?

• Does resentment build quietly inside?

Really notice the emotional and physical cost of believing this thought.

4. Who would you be without that thought?

This isn’t about becoming cold or hard.

It’s about imagining being in the same room — with the same person — but without the belief:

“If I don’t please, agree, or stay soft, I’ll be attacked or made to feel like I’m the problem.”

• What changes?

• Could you breathe more easily?

• Could you be clearer, steadier, more compassionate?

• Could you stay present… and not collapse into guilt or fear?

🔄 Turnarounds

Let’s try flipping the belief in ways that might also feel true — or even truer.

Turnaround 1: “If I don’t please, agree, or stay soft, I won’t be attacked or blamed.”

• Can you recall a time you stood your ground and weren’t blamed?

• Or when you were blamed, but felt stronger because you didn’t betray yourself?

Turnaround 2: “If I please, agree, or stay soft, I attack myself and make me feel like the problem.”

• What happens when you ignore your truth to keep others comfortable?

• Do you start turning on yourself?

• Does your inner voice say: “You let them walk over you again”?

Sometimes self-betrayal hurts more than any outside attack.

Turnaround 3: “They aren’t attacking me — they’re attacking their own pain.”

• Can you see that others’ reactions may have nothing to do with you?

• Are you just the closest object when their pain needs a target?

• Can you find even one moment when this felt true?

🪞 What Happens After the Turnarounds?

Byron Katie encourages us to stay with the turnarounds until something shifts. Not in your head — but in your body. In your breath. In your clarity.

You might suddenly see:

• “I’ve been attacking myself.”

• “I’ve been shrinking myself.”

• “I’ve blamed them, but I abandoned me.”

🫂 Meet the Belief With Compassion

You don’t have to fight the belief.

You can thank it. It helped you survive.

Now, you get to choose something freer.

💬 Create a New Truth to Live By

After the turnaround, a new inner statement often arises.

Old belief: “If I don’t please, I’ll be attacked.”New truth: “I can be kind and clear — and let others have their reactions. My peace isn’t for sale.”

This becomes your new inner compass.

✨ Katie’s Guidance

“Don’t believe me. Don’t believe your thoughts. Just notice what’s true.”

The Work ends naturally when the belief loses its grip.Even if it returns later (and it might), you now have space around it.

And in that space… you are free.